Chapter 4: Impacted

There's an hour left of Halloween and tonight. I quickly remembered, while handing out candy dressed as a mermaid, why it's my favorite holiday. The joy on everyone's faces seeing other costumes and the creativity of others around them and the smiles that grow wider every time a child sees another piece of candy awaiting them. What naivety; just a small item that can be devoured and gone in a flash brings such happiness to people. I closed my eyes tight for a second while feeling a chilly breeze go straight to my bones and remembered the complete bliss I once had. It brought a wide smile to my face... something I didn't expect. I spent the rest of the night listening to soft acoustic music without losing that smile. I even giggled out loud to myself from time to time. That's what I'm missing: bliss.

I was chatting over sushi today about the kind of man I want to spend the rest of my life with. I have been dating a lot lately and falling very easily for a few of the boys [not men in the least] that I've been seeing. But then, after just a few measly days, I am COMPLETELY over it and never want contact with said person again. What the hell!? I've always been like this. There have only been two male species in my life that I haven't gotten sick of after a week or so. One of them was an abusive asshole and one of them is too far away from here to give me the time of day anymore. I hate remembering how much they didn't annoy me. I always wanted to see them. And I realized that's what I need right now; I can't force a relationship, I have to NEED the person or feel as though I'm going to have a complete meltdown. I need a homebody... someone who doesn't want to go out all the time, who just wants to sit at home with me and watch TV or talk. That's the most comfortable for me. I need someone who needs me just as much as I need them... no more, no less. And I will wait as long as I have to to find this man... I promise this time.

<3
Sarah